Thankful To Be Me

Where in your life are you wasting your time? This year, so far, has been quite a puzzle. I am trying to figure out what to do with my life. Yes, I know I’m only fourteen years old, but I have let go of some activities through my difficult years of middle school, and initially, that is truly what I needed. I needed time to think, and to process everything occurring in my life. Now, I am in a much happier state (Thank God!) and I am realizing that what once was helpful and necessary to me has turned into me, laying around, wasting my time.

Experiencing depression and anxiety can feel like a viscous cycle. For me personally, this cycle consists of anxiety that makes me worry and tells me to do everything and don’t stop moving and you are wasting your life away….

…While my depression is fighting back, draining energy and not wanting to do anything but lay in bed and watch Netflix. And scroll. And scroll. And scroll.

Recently, I had a very busy school night, which hasn’t happened in a while. I realized that I was so happy that night because it was filled with such amazing events, like my first debate on the debate team with my best friend. That night, I came to the conclusion that in order to feel happier, I needed to be busier, to add things to my life that make me feel good and take away things that don’t. This sounds simple, but it isn’t. Sometimes, I really don’t even know what I enjoy doing! I don’t want to get too busy, though. Been there, done that…

I started thinking about my phone: does scrolling through Instagram really make me a happier person? The answer was simple. Being on my phone has not made me a happier person, and if anything it has done the exact opposite. I have begun to shift my phone usage by leaving it in my backpack for the most part while I am at school, and participating in other activities such as reading, writing, or spending time with my family.

Around this time of Thanksgiving, I reflect on everything. This helps me remember how beautiful my life is, and I am realizing more and more that I shouldn’t be spending my time scrolling out of reality or laying in bed doing nothing when I want to be active and productive. This Thanksgiving I am remembering more of who I am and what I like to do in real time, not on a screen and not in my daydreams. And I am reminding myself that the most beautiful part of life is live (not on a screen) and right in front of me.

So call a friend, talk to that boy, tell your grandparents you love them, thank your parents for everything, hug people, kiss people, take up skiing, skip down the street, climb a tree, whatever you do, love your life to the fullest. Life is so precious and beautiful! Don’t let things that make you unhappy block your view of all the beauty and the goodness in your life. You only have one life! Live it!

xo

Jilly